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Infidelity Aftershock: 7 Things You Can Find Yourself Doing

September 20, 2012

Being cheated on by a partner when in a monogamous relationship heaves a wrecking ball at the wall of trust.  Whether the relationship has lasted months or years, the effect is the same.  A sense of betrayal, and often self-blame on the part of the partner who has been on the receiving end of cheating.

Psychotherapist Robert Weiss has identified seven things that a partner often does when finding out about a loved one’s infidelity.  Do you recognise any of these things?

  1. Depression – feelings of numbness and impaired functioning
  2. Remorse – why didn’t I see this coming?
  3. Denial – moving into “romance/seduction” mode in an attempt to undo the damage
  4. Blaming – usually the third party, casting their partner as the “innocent victim”
  5. Snooping – going through a partner’s wallet, cellphone, emails like an amateur detective
  6. Triggers – a scene in a movie, a seemingly-innocuous sentence from a friend triggering emotional memories of the betrayal, causing upset
  7. Lashing out – sometimes in ways that are later regretted, such as telling others about the infidelity (including children) in a bid to gain sympathy

None of the above means you are a bad person.  It does indicate that are failing to address the real issues in your relationship, and in the early stages of a betrayal, you may simply not have that perspective.

Seeking counselling either for yourself, or if you feel ready, with you and your partner together, can help you to resolve issues in your relationship in a safe environment.

Call Life Resolutions today on 1300 668 256 to find out how our qualified psychologists can help you and your partner with relationship advice, or use the email contact form on our website.

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